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Literature Text
I feel the grind
Pressure of my feet
Against the board
On the railing
I jump, I float
My board spins
I land on it
A perfect trick
I smile and roll
Down the side
Of the rink
The great bowl
Around I hear
The percussion of wheels
Rolling on cement
Boards slapping the edge
I feel wind
Swift over my arms
I curve up
The other side
Of the great bowl
Feet first, board first
Hand on the edge
Helmet towards the ground-
I dream this scene
As I sit bored
While my parents watch
The fat lady sing
Pressure of my feet
Against the board
On the railing
I jump, I float
My board spins
I land on it
A perfect trick
I smile and roll
Down the side
Of the rink
The great bowl
Around I hear
The percussion of wheels
Rolling on cement
Boards slapping the edge
I feel wind
Swift over my arms
I curve up
The other side
Of the great bowl
Feet first, board first
Hand on the edge
Helmet towards the ground-
I dream this scene
As I sit bored
While my parents watch
The fat lady sing
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I wrote this in English class back in high school. Our teacher had us listen to random instrumental music he had on his iPod and write a little about any sort of storyline that came to mind as we listened. One particular instrumental was a rock piece with amazing electric guitar that for some reason had opera-style vocal interjections at certain parts, and that song was the inspiration for this poem. 
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Hi I'm the critic of 
, here to give my brief feedback on this poem.
I am a classical singer, and i understand the sterotypes and generalisations made about the art e.g. "fat lady sing". nothing wrong with that, just that you might want to research more on the topic you will be writing before publication.
First, I don't skate but I like the transitions between lines in the poem. The choice of diction is kept very simple, little artistic dash but that is fine, considering that the persona is rather young.
Secondly, it is very interesting to note that the poem is kept very casual. rather uncommon nowadays and I like the refreshing aspect of it. The persona exudes appeal. Good job in characterisation.
I must say the last stanza is almost like a leap in idea. The transition is too abrupt for my liking. And it is not impactful at all. You really have to work alot on this aspect.
You might also want to explore more descriptive words.
All the best.
, here to give my brief feedback on this poem.I am a classical singer, and i understand the sterotypes and generalisations made about the art e.g. "fat lady sing". nothing wrong with that, just that you might want to research more on the topic you will be writing before publication.
First, I don't skate but I like the transitions between lines in the poem. The choice of diction is kept very simple, little artistic dash but that is fine, considering that the persona is rather young.
Secondly, it is very interesting to note that the poem is kept very casual. rather uncommon nowadays and I like the refreshing aspect of it. The persona exudes appeal. Good job in characterisation.
I must say the last stanza is almost like a leap in idea. The transition is too abrupt for my liking. And it is not impactful at all. You really have to work alot on this aspect.
You might also want to explore more descriptive words.
All the best.